Hash Report – Hash Number 652
Hares – Confuzeus and Father Haggis

We met at the Estoril Casino. (This opening sentence leaves you begging for more, doesn’t it?  It took me hours to come up with it.  It is destined to be a classic and to be studied by school children for the next several centuries.)

RESTART:   Sunflower’s Point of View

Approximately 40 hashers and two dogs met in back of the Estoril Casino for hash number 652.  Herr (Hare) Confuzeus instructed us to go to the old hash standby start point of Capuchos (lots of adjectives there and didn’t really know where to put a comma).  I arrived late to Capuchos so missed all of the pre-hash hoopla.

Upon my arrival we immediately set out in a northerly?? direction up a fairly steep hill that had the majority of Rambos gasping for breath and walking.  A few of the ultra fit Rambos were able to run up the first hill and began scouting out the trail from the first checkpoint.  I, of course, chose the wrong direction and was soon running at the back.  However, Hare Haggis deviously caught the front running Rambos off guard with a long backtrack.  Myself, having cunningly hung back with Father Haggis, did not fall for the old backtrack trick and was off with the front runners.  After a couple of kilometers of running, I decided that it was enough running for one day and slyly faked a hamstring injury -  thinking it would get me sympathy and support from the female hashers.  When the other Rambos caught up with me, I convincingly winced in pain a few times and hobbled around like a convict in leg irons and they bought my story.

I had stood by a fence post admiring the view for a few minutes when I saw a mirage-like figure appearing on the horizon.  The figure reminded me of Sir Alec Guinness’ portrayal of Obi-wan Kenobi walking across the desert to rescue Luke Skywalker.  However I soon realized it was Lord Egg, and he was not coming to rescue me.  He sauntered by humming a pleasant tune with a cheerful “Hello Sunflower” and then disappeared back into a mirage in the opposite direction.

I thought the other walkers would soon be passing by, but Lord Egg had somehow inexplicably opened up about a 10 minute gap on the other walkers.  When I finally saw them coming I tried to strike a nonchalant chic sort of pose while all the time worryingly considering that I was still miles from my New Years Resolution of “I’m going to look good in lycra”.

The peloton of walkers passed by in sort of a surrealistic Jakub Nepras video collage sort of way (Jakub Nepras link: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qgedAFGi2Yw     which you may have to cut and paste in your browser window.)  I hitched onto the back of the walkers group that included the yet unnamed Two Stroke, Pisser, Toto, Confuzeus and my own progeny.

We passed through some lovely territory – where ever we were – and were rewarded for our efforts with some lovely hash views of the ocean and coast.    There was a particularly beautiful view from above the Convento do Carmo.  Confuzeus soon began a running, but uninteresting commentary on the imagined symmetrical perfection of every flour blob that we passed and how he had practically creatively hand-nurtured every one.  He spoke of them like they were his children.  The sly plan that I had woven together to walk with hash women and to gain their sympathies had come unraveled.  Pisser then lied in a mud puddle.

We were the last to arrive back at Capuchos and the eating, drinking and merrymaking had already started.  Things were looking brighter until in a conversation with K2, we discovered that there was a discrepancy in the hash numbers, which K2 assured would easily be remedied.  Then, Bloomingood astutely noticed that there were no drinking cups.  Everyone had to drink what they had in hand.  The hash was disintegrating through my fingers like sand.

Retornados were:  everyone who didn’t go to the away hash and there were regrettably plenty of us.

Birthdays:

K2 – 27
Pisser – 25
Toto – 15
Flying Mum – 120
Mismatch – 120
Not Tonite – 85
Oval – 292
Boomerang – 220
Not-in-Charge – 130
Easy Goa – 44

Virgins were:  Kathleen Drury, Licha Maestre, Roger and Sharon Wake and Ann Duff.  Mysteriously the Wake family did not find there way to Capuchos.  Wish to thank them for their contribution to hash funds.  Seriously though, as they are virgins, we will give them a credit, or refund their money.  They probably tried to follow my erratic driving.

No Names:  Patricia Baetsle – a young, blond Belgian tour guide from Lisbon; and Mike Neumann – a navel bulldozer operator (purposeful misinformation – F16 – and misspelling of naval)

Namings:  Suzy Michel and Emily Michel were up for naming, but could not stand the anxiety and had to bail out.  However, we did  christen Kaleigh Neumann (Sunstroke), Colette Neumann (Heatstroke) and Allison Neumann (Two Stroke).  We were probably not at our creative best, but will save that for No Name Mike.  At least none of the No-names were saddled with a name like Smell My Cheese.

Hares next hash are Sunflower and Easy Goa.

Misdemeanors:  Myself for feigning injury.  The Beermeisteress (who shall go unnamed) for not bringing cups.  K2 for something unmentionable that he did against a tree and I don’t wish to embarrass him, but maybe he and Pisser should trade names.  And there were probably others, but I can’t remember them – sorry, but my memory isn’t the steel trap that it used to be.

On a final note, a big thank you to everyone for contributing to the Haiti Hash.  We raised €206.40 to be given to the IRC and to be earmarked for Haiti.  Again, thanks for your generosity. 

Also, Obrigado to the hares Confuzeus and Father Haggis for a well laid hash, and thanks for everyone’s indulgence in reading this.

On On
Sunflower