Virgins:  Aiden Smith, Carlos Azevedo, Caroline Azevedo, Francisco Azevedo, Yanyan Qio, Lewis Penfrew, Joanna Thomas, and Richard Thomas.

Retornados:  Blue Balls, Hoochy Coochy Man, This Won’t Hurt, Captain America, Off Key, Wanna Bet, Hash Agent, Ready Steady Stop, Sue Nutt, Honky Tonk Woman, Shallow Charge, Jose Pena Da Costa, and Paula Mattos.

Birthdays:  Basil Fawlty (25); Captain America (5); Father Haggis (85); Flat Pack (35); Little Jumper (44); Miss Directed (22); and Wanna Bet (240).

No Names: 

• Sue Nutt – described herself as a Maltese wine drinker.  Well, she didn’t quite say it like that.  She is from, or lives in, or has lived in, or has visited, Malta.  She drinks wine.  Not sure if the wine she drinks is from Malta.  There is something in my notes about ‘pink’ and ‘balls’, but for the life of me, I can’t remember the context.
• Angelica Heldt – from Helsinki; speaks Swedish; is not Swedish; likes fencing; likes squash (the sport; not sure about the beverage or the vegetable); likes sailing.  Not sure if it’s a good idea to fence and sail at the same time.  Probably a good idea to drink squash and sail at the same time.

Misdemeanors:

• Mismatch – for long-cutting
• Everybody aged 16-20 years – for walking as opposed to running
• Basil Fawlty, Father Haggis, Voldemort, and Easy Loser – for not wearing Hash shirts
• Easy Loser – for wearing head gear in the circle

Editor’s Note:  it was erroneously reported in the previous Hash Report that F2RB had received a misdemeanor for snogging on the trail.  It was actually Mile High who was snogging on the trail, and he was not snogging with F2RB.  We sincerely apologize for the error.  The responsible person has been appropriately punished.  For privacy reasons, we cannot divulge the name of the responsible person, or the punishment method, but in cases like this, a very good spanking is in order.

Upcoming Hares:

30 April:  Dunno / Easy Loser (they promise to make it Spicy)

14 May:  Depth Charge / ? (Red Dress Hash) (change from K2 and Flatpack, as previously announced)

28 May:  Hares needed

11 June:  Dunno / ? (Away Hash)

25 June:  Hoochy Coochy Man / K2 / ? (Summer Solstice Hash)

K2

Hash Scribe

NOTE:  My sincere apologies for the delay in reporting; I had many family members visiting, and well, they’re much more important than this.

There were several virgins.  Some of them weren’t real Hash virgins, but were in fact from the Tokyo H3.  Forgive me if I’ve messed up the names, but the virgins were Panos Pavlidus, John Ponte, Yukio Saito, Christopher Lewis, and Elvira Martins.  One of them is Crusader from TH3.  Apparently he’s been Hashing there for a while.

Retornados were:  Flying Mum, Ice Pyk, Lord Egg, Brian Hamilton, and Julia McAllister.

Celebrating birthdays were:  Baron von Jockstrap (85), Big Jumper (40), Blooming Good (141), J. C. (20), K2 (50), Maple Stroker (33), and No Moor (370).  All of whom are encouraged to get a life.

There was one No Name – Teresa Rolo.  Facts about her (relevant or otherwise):  She  is from Alcobaça; she is a project manager (formerly of electric cars, now of airplanes); she is too old to swim (really?); she likes cinema and jazz, but not with cheese.  Not sure what swimming has to do with cheese, but I’m sure there’s an interesting story. Or at least there will be one by the time we’re done.

There were several namings:

Pepsi, the dog:  has fondness (demonstrated during the circle) of sniffing other dogs in unmentionable ways.  Numerous names were suggested, including C*%^$#%&*r, but it was determined by the eminently wise Hashers that Pepsi shall forever after be known as Brown Noser.

Darian Haffner, not the dog:  did not sniff anybody in the circle, but is a cunning linguist (although that name was not accepted); curiously, C*%^$#%&*r was also considered as a possible name for him.  Eventually, because he likes airplanes, or flying, or something like that, he was given the name Mile High.  No word yet as to whether he has earned the name.

Fabio Mangas, also not the dog:  is not a cunning linguist, and has not (at least to common knowledge) joined the Mile High club, or sniffed anybodyin the circle, although he was caught snogging somebody or something in the bushes at one time, and thus Snogger was considered as  a possible name.  Again, C*%^$#%&*r was considered as a possible name.  (Somebody had something on their mind, and I hope they’ve got it out of their system).  He is French, or at least partially so.  He was reputed to be quite hairy, so Chewbacca was considered.  Hairy Frog and French Tickler were also considered, as was Surrender Monkey.  All worthy and desirable names, but not accepted.  Apparently, he’s got a reputation for being a Front-Running Bastard (FRB), so now he is known as F2RB (French Front-Running Bastard).

Misdemeanors were heaped upon the following miscreants:

Mismatch, Easy Loser, F2RB, Mile High, and Easy Loser (either there were two of her or I wrote her name down twice) – all for short-cutting on the Rambo trail

Hares – don’t remember why but it was a very good reason

No Name – don’t remember why, or their name, but of course it was a good reason

Bjorn Shorn – snogging in the bushes?

Mismatch – wearing a hat in the circle (called out because he was repeatedly checking other Hashers for hands in pockets

F2RB – hands in pockets

Easy Loser – for having a name but not a shirt.  A Hash shirt, that is.

In the absence of both our Hashmaster and Hare Raiser, it was thought we have enough Hares for the foreseeable future.  But if not, volunteer to Hare.  If you have completed 10 or more Hashes since the last time you Hared, it’s time to Hare.

K2

Hash Scribe