Hash #688

Hares:  Boomerang and Baron von Jockstrap .

“It was lovely”.  Three words that will probably never be uttered to describe hash # 688. It shall be remembered by pouring rain coupled with near lightning strikes and hair-raisingly loud claps of thunder.  Although it was a wonderful and original hash route from Janas to Azenhas do Mar (only an ineffective sentence fragment here).

Causes of the Disaster:  Let’s face the factoid that the gods were angry.  The sacking of myself (Sunflower) as HM at the RDH has caused a rift in the force.  The gods were punishing the whole hash by opening the heavens on us – not sparing even myself or Pisser, the victims of the coup d’etat staged with the help of several rogue countries.  I have documentation to show that the same people who are speculatively destroying the Portuguese economy are behind my sacking.

However, now that I have the gods backing me  – and don’t imagine for an instant that the eruption of the Icelandic volcano, Grimsvotn, was purely coincidental and wasn’t linked to my sacking – I have arisen from the ashes like a Phoenix and returned to my rightful throne of power as HM.  There is equilibrium again in the force – as demonstrated by the clear blue sky and sunshine that appeared when taking over as HM at the hash circle.

Effects of angering gods:

1. Boomerang and Dunno had blue lips.  Boomerang said “I’m really feeling uncomfortable”.
2. Several hashers left before the circle even started as they were soaked to the bone.
3. Party Pants sat in her car and forgot to hash.  When she looked up after texting her friends – the work thing was just an excuse – everyone had gone and the flour blobs were extinguished by the deluge.
4. Big Jumper – in the role of RA – mistook Boomerang and Baron for virgins.  He began asking them the whole long enough, hard enough routine – before several hashers were able to reorient him.  Cold, wet and delusional due to onset of hypothermia.
5. Bardess walked alone, and no one was willing to walk beside her – as in a fit of madness she walked the hash deploying an umbrella with a long metal tip: or, Bardess in act of unselfish self sacrifice carried an umbrella with a large metal tip attempting to attract lightning to herself and away from the other hashers.  Either scenario points toward temporary insanity brought about by the rift in the force.
6. The hares were bombarded by three rain showers in the morning and the afternoon drenching.
7. Storm sewer issues.  I astutely saw the blackening sky and sagaciously left the runners group to make my way back alone, with only Pisser as company.  On the way back, I was greeted by sheets of rain – the kind that runs down the end of your nose onto your lips and mouth and streams off your chin – and rivers of ankle deep, malodorous water that was belched from the storm sewers and through which I was forced to walk.  At one point, Pisser and I had to jump onto a bridge railing to cross a stream as the water was covering the road bed.  We even twice took cover from the rain and lightning under storefront awnings in the Janas area.
8. Lightning issues – several hashers, including myself, expressed a slight nervousness about the lightning.
9. Some hashers uncharacteristically became temporarily fashion unconscious.  FireFarter and Dunno had several bags of clothing that they were donating to charity from which they generously handed out jumpers and such for hashers to get warm.  However, several pieces looked embarrassingly as though they were from last year’s fashion collection.
10. Unexplained, uncharacteristic behavior, body possession – Boomerang, while explaining hash symbols to the virgins, suddenly became quite animated – not that he isn’t always somewhat animated – and began to lecture – some might say rant and rave like a lunatic – everyone on just walking and not paying attention to the flour blobs.  After some comforting words from HM, he seemed to snap out of his trance like condition.  Link is to a video of Boomerang “losing it” and the incredulous looks of the hashers as they embarrasingly witness his “madness”.   Sorry you will have to paste it into your browser.                                                                                                                                   http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZlV3oQ3pLA0
11. At the end of the hash, Beermeisters Big Jumper, Little Jumper and Good Jumper drove off without tables, coolers and such.
12. Hashers wanting to pay hash fees were directed to a large red structure in which a gypsy family appeared to be living and from where they appeared to be conducting business.  Lots of old clothing and such.

Recommendations/Lessons Learned:

-          Restore the natural order.  After Sunflower regained his proper position, blue sky and sunshine prevailed.

The Real Hash Stuff:

Hares:  Boomerang and Baron von Jockstrap set a really nice and original route originating at a round church just outside of Janas and meandered through soft forest to Azenhas do Mar and back.   Thanks for your efforts in doing something outside of our usual circle of routes.  Some nice ocean views.  Boomerang has already provided link.  Sorry have to paste into browser.

https://mail.google.com/mail/?ui=2&ik=9ad0b96bd5&view=att&th=1303ab2c996d131d&attid=0.1&disp=inline&zw

Attendance:  About 30 not including the canine component.

Virgins:  Cover-up – a visitor from Angola, Luis and Pedro Carvalho, Lieve Vyncke, Pedro Costa – Fast Finnish duped him into coming, and Danielle Villar.

Retornados:  Baronness Von Strap-it-on, Ernst Schade, Helen Leys, Misdirected, Julia Mcallister and Dangleberry.

Birthdays:  Dunno 15, F2RB 11, Bardess 415, Sunflower 65.

Namings:  Brian Hamilton has been christened Private Dancer.  Reportedly no shortage of dance partners when he is around.

Next Hash:  Away hash at Benavente hosted by Dunno and Firefarter – Swedish Sacrificial – wear appropriate attire.  Contact Dunno for details if you don’t have them at mina.hoffmann@gmail.com

Passing of Guard:  It was the last hash Beermeistered by Big, Good, and Little Jumper.   Thanks for your time and efforts.  Maple Sugar was also noticeably not present collecting money.  She has already handed over the reins to Dunno.  Again, Maple Sugar, thanks for your willingness to volunteer.

On On

Sunflower