Hash #707 was hared by Maple Stroker, Hoochy Coochy Man, and Fast Finish.  Starting point for the Hash was at the Mula Dam.   Wimps route was estimated at 7km, with Rambo route estimated at 11km.  Weather was fantastic, as it has been for the last month or so.  There were numerous Hash Views, including a fantastic one with ~360-degree views.  102 Hashers participated, marking a record for LH3.  This did include a large number (51) of visitors – Marines and Sailors stopping in Lisbon with the USS Bataan.

Virgins on this Hash were numerous, to include many of the Marines and Sailors, Ammi Person, Bo Beijer-Olsen, Emma Nilsson, Eleanor Horton, and Kate Dennis.

Retornados were numerous:  Sven Tollin, Just Coming, No Moor, Captain America, Nearly There, Elaine Gerstenmeyer, Easy Goa, Never Ready, Luca Gerstenmeyer, Flying Mum, Nitrous Oxide, Ulli Meyer, Dieuwke Schweitzer, Willem Trotske, and Hannes Trotske.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Dangle Berry (30); Easy Loser (25; must be an error, as she just celebrated 20 last Hash); F2RB (22); Hoochy Coochy Man (70); Nearly There (25); Nitrous Oxide (10); Wanna Bet (252).

There were several No Names:

Ian Gerstenmayer (son of Pencil Squeezer) – not Swedish and plays no musical instruments; likes football and swimming.

Erika Vlug – I didn’t write anything down – apologies.

Yara Buschle (daughter of Capacabuba) – I didn’t write anything down – apologies.

Namings:

Limor Schweitzer  – has embarrassing knees, is always drunk, works on robots, is Israeli, denies having worked for Mossad.  Admits to having translated for a film starring Cicciolina.  Our minds starting to freeze up after much inactivity, we considered several names, including Inspector Gadget, before settling on Robogasm.

Reminder – if you don’t like your Hash name, please advise Hash Master (me); you can apply to have your name changed after a minimum of six months with your current name.  There are penalties involved.

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

I didn’t write any of them down, as I was shocked and dismayed to find myself in the Circle, for allegedly having short-cutted.  Or short the cut.  Or cut the short.  What is the past tense of ‘short cut’?

-          I do remember, however, that F2RB spent some time in the circle for having abused alcohol

 Upcoming Hares: 

4 & 5 February – Away Hash – K2, TWH, Monica Piercy, Ba Ba Boom!, Easy Loser – more wanted

18 February – I don’t remember

 707 Hash Costume Contest – Many apologies for the mismanagement of this event.  Perhaps I can plead being tired and worn out, or losing my memory, or I don’t know what else.  Anyhow, winners of the contest for the Wimps:  Pencil Squeezer; Rambos:  Easy Loser.

 Away Hash – we are now up to about 25 rooms.  There is no coach.  All Hashers are individually responsible to the hotel for all debts incurred; I will not collect any cash.  Reminder – 50 euro per room per night, half board.  Sign up ASAP.

 Hash Mugs – have still arrived.  If you attended the On On Dinner, the mugs are free.  If you did not attend the dinner, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

Upcoming fancy dress/costume events:  if you’ve read this far and are interested, please contact me via email, Facebook, or in person with your suggestions.  Possibilities:  Carnival; St. Patrick’s Day; Elvis’ birthday; the Muppets; many more.  In your suggestion, please indicate on which Hash we should organize your fancy dress event.

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #706 was hared by Ba Ba Boom! and K2.  Starting point for the Hash was in the southern portion of Parque Monsanto.  Both Rambos and Wimps were primarily on trails within the park for the entire Hash; Rambos did a long loop down past the closed water park and São Francisco Xavier hospital (veteran Hashers will remember this as part of the Tasmanian Devil farewell Cinco de Maio Hash, when Little Jumper broke his arm).   Wimps route was estimated at 7km, with Rambo route estimated at 11km.  Weather was fantastic, with many thanks due to RA Depth Charge.  60 Hashers participated, with approximately 20-25 of them being Rambos – perhaps a high number for Rambo participation in recent memory.  There were several nice Hash Views, including but not limited to, when your faithful Hare changed shirts before the Hash J.

Virgins on this Hash were numerous, to include Ginny Stockdale’s children, Alessandra, Christophe, and Joran, Ana Marques (not related to Ginny Stockdale), Dan Filieon, Polly and James Carr.  Apologies for butchered names.

Retornados were numerous:  Helena Wallentin, Diane Thoms, David Thomas, Maria Andrade, Tricia Marques, Erika Vlug, Depth Charge, Eagle Eye, Lord Egg, Mismatch, Julie Kielberg, Anita Lekic (who left prior to the Circle, and is thus due a double down-down at her next Hash), Not In Charge, Party Pants, Shallow Charge, and Stephan, Lea, and Yara Buschle (Familia Capacabuba).

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Ba Ba Boom (15); Easy Loser (20); Father Haggis (99); Honky Tonk Woman (70); Ice Pyck (60); La Formiga (15); Maple Stroker (45); Fire Farter (18); Maple Sugar (33); Mile High (20); Oval (310); and This Won’t Hurt (85).

There were several No Names:

Anita Lekic – Left before the Circle.  Obviously this will reflect negatively on her when her Name is chosen.

Monica Piercy – British, steals hats, something about ‘down low’, is of Polish descent, and likes to dance.

Leemor Shweicher (I know I’ve destroyed that name; apologies) – has embarrassing knees, is always drunk, works on robots, is Israeli, denies having worked for Mossad.

Namings:

Lea Buschle – is not Swedish or an interpreter; is the 7-year-old daughter of Capacabuba; likes cartoons but has no boyfriends yet.  Likes Hello Kitty, so is now named Kittycabuba.

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Numerous named Hashers – for not wearing Hash t-shirts
• F2RB – for wearing a hat in the Circle
• F2RB – for hands in pockets in the Circle
• Several which I’ve missed
• Mismatch – for interrupting the RA – was directed to drink with the Sleeve of Shame, but refused to do so.  Therefore, Depth Charge stood in for him and suffered his punishment gladly and with grace and aplomb, whatever that is.

Special recognition to Breast Stroker who has by now departed for Brazil, but promises to return after approximately six months.

 Upcoming Hares: 

21 January – Maple Stroker and Fast Finnish

4 & 5 January – Away Hash – K2, TWH, Monica Piercy, Ba Ba Boom!, Easy Loser – more wanted

 21 January – 707 Hash – dress up like an airplane, or an aircrew member, or something related to the venerable 707 aircraft.  Prizes awarded to the best Rambo and Wimp costumes.  Or maybe just the two best costumes.  Also – it looks like we will have a very large number of visitors for this Hash – so please plan to arrive early and pay quickly to facilitate the On On, etc.

 Away Hash – we are now up to about 16 rooms.  Many are driving; it looks like as of now, only about 13 are going to take the bus/coach.  The coach will be available to take us to/from starting point for Saturday’s Hash, so all Hashers riding the bus that day will be charged a minor fee to offset the total hire cost.  Those taking the Hash from/to Estoril will bear the majority of the cost.  It looks like the coach will be leaving from the Casino about 20.00 Friday evening.  Many would prefer to leave earlier, but some can’t leave until 20.00.  Those riding the coach should plan to eat before, or bring a sandwich, etc., so as to reduce break time en route.  Please sign up now!  Please plan to pay at the next Hash – 21 January!

 Hash Mugs – If you attended the On On Dinner or New Year’s Recovery Lunch, the mugs are free.  Otherwise, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #705 was hared by Boomerang and Confuzeus.  Starting point for the Hash was in the area between Birre and Areia.  After a delayed start caused by the Hares not remembering where the trail started, Rambos and Wimps enjoyed a great Hash with numerous very good views.  Rambos ran north into Charneca, before heading back toward the ocean and through the Roman ruins encountered on a recent Hash, not too far from Guincho.  While we’ve come to appreciate an interesting array of snacks as provided by our new Beer Meisters (Pencil Squeezer and Capacabuba), they didn’t fail us this time – providing marzipan sweets which are an Austrian tradition for the New Year.  Please don’t forget to regularly thank our BMs for their service.

Virgins on this Hash were numerous, to include Ginny Stockdale, the Sullivan family (John, Jane, Emilia, and Euan); Ron and Adrian Brae; and Jane Filmore.

Retornados were Jane Woodcock, Baroness, Baronetta, Pussy Galore, Blue Balls, Finnish Eater, Maple Sugar, Ready Steady Stop, Snoopy, Tatties, and Sofia Duarte.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Bardess (430); Baron von Jockstrap (55); Breast Stroker (20); Crunchy (30); Good Vibrations (10); K2 (66); Maple Stroker (44); F2RB (20); Peanut (45); and Pencil Squeezer (10).

There were two No Names, both children of Loopy:

Michael Halkon – is not Swedish, is not blonde, plays no musical instruments, and likes dinosaurs and Nintendo.

Sofia Halkon – also likes Nintendo, but not sure about dinosaurs or Swedish dinosaurs.

Namings:

Paula Mattos – is not Swedish, is an interpreter, reads books, does photography, and is buying a new red car.  Most of the name choices related to her impending car purchase, and we settled on Bombeira.

Sue Nutt – wife of Blue Balls, so we obviously focused on name choices connected to ‘balls’, but nothing decent came to our minds.  Eventually, because she has a habit of being slow in most things she does, we decided to call her Zoom.

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Boomerang and Confuzeus – forgetting where their trail started
• Fast Finnish – for not taking her pills
• Ba Ba Boom! – for being hungover
• Zoom – for stealing somebody’s telephone, and wearing her clothes inside out
• Boomerang – for setting up a market stall at the Circle
• Easy Loser and F2RB – for PDA
• Crunchy – for having glitter on his face
• Beer Meisters – for setting out the beer after everything else

Upcoming Hares: 

7 January  – Ba Ba Boom! and K2

21 January – Maple Stroker and Fast Finnish

4/5 February (Away Hash) - K2, Monica Piercy, Easy Loser, and This Won’t Hurt

Following the Circle, we all adjourned to the Quinta do Cortador for the On On Lunch, consisting of cabrito or bacalhau.  Following a good meal, we all participated in the traditional rendition of Father Abraham, led, as per tradition, by Oval.  Then, several Hashers were recognized for their contributions throughout the year:

Capacabuba and Pencil Squeezer – for volunteering to serve as Beer Meisters and already raising the bar on the level of refreshments provided.

Maple Sugar – for having served as previous Hash Cash

Hoochy Coochy Man – for serving as Hare Raiser, and also to recognize his and Honky Tonk Woman’s service at various events such as providing the turkey sandwiches during the Jingle Bells Hash.

Ba Ba Boom! – for serving as Hash Cash

Breast Stroker – for taking flattering photos of your HM while I was running (and not just while I was walking).  Hey – I bought the cheap wine, so I could give it out to who I wanted and for whatever reason came into my mind!

Easy Loser and F2RB – for having served as previous Beer Meisters

Boomerang and Confuzeus – for Haring the Recovery Hash

Ba Ba Boom! – for replacing Tasmanian Devil as our new Hash Pimp(ette)

Following this, instigated by Fast Finnish, we all participated in providing entertainment.  Table 1 were the unanimous talent show winners and will be expected to repeat their performances at the Away Hash.  Many thanks to Fast Finnish for organizing the impromptu entertainment.

As we leave 2011 behind and begin 2012, let me thank everybody who contributes to making LH3 a success.

—–

Hash Mugs – If you attended the 007 Dinner or New Year’s Recovery Lunch, the mugs are free.  If you did not attend the dinner or lunch, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, your choices will be to either purchase a new mug (one euro each) or drink from your shoe.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

Standby for more info about the Away Hash – weekend of 4/5 February in the Algarve.

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #704
This was our TRADITIONAL Jingle Bells Hash which meant some form of seasonal dress was worn by all. The Hares were the 3 ladies – Ba Ba Boom, Breast Stroker & Easy Loser, who baptised it as the “Jingle Boobies Hash”.  Each of them sported exuberant & fulsome prosthetics to match their theme. They introduced a couple of new activities which were signposted during the hash (JBH ?) and involved some mandatory fondling of those latex extensions. Thanks also to these, the Hares were always visible and any walkers in doubt were quickly shepherded back to the route by BaBaBoom’s whistle.
The meeting-point and circle was very conveniently located in a parking lot beside the Avenida Infante D Henrique, in the western end of Cascais.  The weather was beautiful with clear skies and magnificent views out over the sea towards the south. We apparently had a choice of routes, and No Moor soon decided upon his own unique option, which resulted in his solitary return during the circle. The rest split into rambos and Walkers and made their way west past Casa da Guia and out along the coast.  The Runners doubled back and managed to cross back over the outward route, with a few crisp instructions from Easy Loser to avoid any confusion (“Yes, Yes,…No, No”).  We then headed down along the cliff road towards town, passing the Boca de Inferno and all meeting up a couple of times for a beer stop and some Boobie Carol singing.  The Rambos made a loop thru Cascais town before heading back to the start point where the Wimps soon joined them.  All in all, a lovely route with great views and enjoyable diversions.
At the Circle we were treated to a magnificent feast, both gastronomic and visual.  First course was provided by Hoochie Coochie Man and Honky Tonk Woman, with delicious turkey sandwiches plus a selection of condiments such as Cumberland sauce.  Whilst we getting on the outside of that, Pencil Squeezer and Capacabuba were setting – and decorating – a table of magnificent treats.  These included Gluehwein (enhanced by Pencil Squeezer’s  own Austrian recipe, known only to a handful of ageing ski instructors in the Arlberg);  a hot chocolate drink called Lumumba which could be enhanced with Amaretto and/or brandy ; delicious stollen cake ; a selection of seasonal chocolates ; plus the usual etcs.  The Hash was unanimous in it’s appreciation to all those whose efforts made this a memorable day.  And, as one hasher commented – we’re in danger of becoming the 1st Michelin-star Hash…..
Virgins on this Hash were(with apologies for the spelling) –  Marcia Turner, Willem Trotsken and Eliane Gerstenmayer (wife of Pencil Squeezer).
Retornados included Christoph Trotsken, Robert Scott and Dangleberry
Birthdays were celebrated for :  Boomerang (255); Confuzeus (66); Johnny English (10); Maple Stroker (44); Pencil Squeezer (10); This Won’t Hurt (85).
There were 2 No Names – Kia Bueschle, aged 7, and originally from Saarbruecken in Germany.  And Maria, who didn’t divulge her age but it’s more than 7; Portuguese-Danish, living in London, working at check-in for SAS at Heathrow (must be worth asking for an upgrade), and mother of Immaculate Misconception, which left us all puzzled. Unfortunately, she won’t be back on the LH3 hash till March, which should give us enough time to think up a decent handle.
There were 2 Namings.
Stephanie Matteo – is in the US Army, based at Oeiras; dresses up in St Trinians-style black skirts and stockings to impress; loves her M-16; and, most impressively, gave us 10 push-ups as a stimulus. With this in mind we considered – amongst others – Pistol-Packin’ Mama, GI Jane, and Dirty Dancer, but settled on Lethal Weapon.
Andreas Savvas – is originally from Cyprus, and works in the cruise line industry.  Not to be outshone, Andreas rose to the challenge and also did 10 push-ups, with no sign of effort and protestations that he could have done more…  We then considered handles such as Onassis, Zorba & Greek Default (reflecting his origins); Cruiser and Bubbles (his work activities); and finally agreed on a made-up concoction – BoobieZookee (blame the mulled wine and Lumumba).
Misdemeanours – as ever, there were many…. Mile High & BaBa Boom for phone abuse; Firestarter & Bad Hare Day for smoking while the rest of the hash was exercising; the 3 Hares for inappropriate exposure of their prosthetics ….  However, we forewent the Down-Downs during this Circle in order to have time to thank the Beermeisters, HCM and HTW for their supply of goodies.  These misdemeanours have not been either forgiven or forgotten, and will be punished at the next hash.
The next Hash will be the Recovery Hash, on 1 January, to be hared by Boomerang and Confuzeus. This will be followed by the OnOn Lunch, at the Quinta do Cortador in Cascais.
Following that, the Hash will return to it’s normal schedule, with the next one on Saturday 7 January.  After that, on Saturday 21 January, there is a theme – to dress up like an airplane or a flight crew member (sexy stewardesses wanted).  Or a cup of coffee, tea, or me.  Cheap prizes to the contest winners – one each for Rambos and Wimps.
Away Hash – Saturday, 4 February (tentative) – Algarve Hash have indicated an initial interest in Hashing with us; awaiting more feedback.

Father Haggis

Hash #703 was hared by Hoochy Coochy Man and Voldemort.  Starting point for the Hash was in Ulgueira, just north of Cabo da Roca.  Rambos were advised of three loops, with a total route of approximately 10km.  There was some confusion right at the start, as one of the Rambo loops was right near the start point, but we being the expert Hashers we are, figured out which way to go.  Because the Hares told us which way to go.  In the end, some Rambos apparently completely missed out on the second loop.  Many of the markings had been obliterated by rain, as it had been raining all morning long.  Still the route was fantastic with tremendous views as far north as Adraga, and as far south as Praia da Ursa.  Our new Beer Meisters should be thanked and congratulated for their outstanding efforts.  Between them, they made and frosted an excellent chocolate cake.  So, all the calories I’d burned off during the run, I gained back during the circle.

Virgins on this Hash were absent.  Intimidated, no doubt, by the gray clouds.  In the end, we had no rain during the Hash; in fact, the weather was quite nice for running.  It didn’t start raining until right at the very end of the Circle.  So both Hares and RA should be commended for the good weather.

Retornados were Confuzeus and Pedro Costa.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Flying Mum  (155); Blooming Good (155); Boomerang (255); Confuzeus (65); Fast Finnish (15); K2 (65); Nitrous Oxide (10); No Moor (395 – Get A Life!).   Fast Finnish was invited to remain in the circle not once, but twice – once for failure to remove her head gear, and the second time for drinking (or at least appearing to drink) too early.

There were two No Names:

Stephanie Matteo – is American and not Swedish, is not blonde, plays no musical instruments.  She likes to dance (Scottish country dancing) and on demand gave us a demonstration of ballet, which shows she is a good sport.  She is in the US Army, and works in communications and electronics at the NATO headquarters in Oeiras.  She’s been living in Portugal for three years.

Nicky Nigeria – (name changed for publishing on the interweb).  She’s actually not quite sure if she’s been to the Hash four times or five times.  Either that or Hash Cash isn’t quite sure as to the number.  Regardless, I think we will give Nicky Nigeria her Hash name at her next Hash.  Having said that, I won’t be at the next Hash, and I want to be present for her naming J.  She is half Italian and half Hungarian but has lived extensively in Nigeria.  She is a pediatrician and works in several prisons in the Lisbon area.  She tried to explain why a pediatrician was working in prisons, but I’m still not sure if I believe her.  She has a reputation which precedes her for her fondness of caipirinhas and cerveja.

Namings:

Pedro Costa – is not Swedish, German, Austrian, or Australian.  He is Portuguese and does not play musical instruments.  He likes to run (and led the Rambos for much of the Hash).  Additionally, he is taking diving lessons.  He runs his own tourism business – Inside Lisbon.  Names which we considered but rejected were:  PFRB, Inside Leg, Inside Diver, Dentro, Inside Knowledge (‘Inside’ references connected to his business), and Captain Nemo (reference to his diving pursuit).  We settled on Finding Nemo (‘Finding’ as a reference to his business pursuit of helping people find Lisbon; ‘Nemo’ as a reference to diving). 

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Flying Mum – talking too much
• Mismatch – forgetting Fast Finnish’s name
• Fast Finnish and Boomerang – short-cutting
• Ba Ba Boom – confusing Oval (who wasn’t at the Hash) with No Moor (who was at the Hash)
• K2 – for disappearing from the rest of the Rambos and running with the girls.  But honestly, who could blame me?
• Nicky Nigeria – for being hot
• No Moor – for stealing another Hasher’s mug (Ba Ba Boom!)
• No Moor – for being full of shit (for the pathetic explanation he gave for above-mentioned mug theft
• Fast Finnish – for being beaten drinking in the circle by a child
• Breast Stroker – for alcohol abuse in the circle, but I don’t remember why she was in the circle to begin with

 Upcoming Hares: 

17 December – Ba Ba Boom!, Breast Stroker, and Easy Loser.  We are in serious trouble.

1 January – Recovery Hash – Confuzeus and Boomerang

New Hashers – never set a trail and want to know what’s involved?  See an experienced Hare or our Hare Raiser, Hoochy Coochy Man.  If you’ve attended 15 or more Hashes and not yet set a trail, please give serious thought to volunteering to set a trail.  You can work with an experienced Hare.  Speaking of which – I’d like to set a trail in January or February (looking at Saturday, 7 January) and would like to work with one or two people who have not set a trail before.  I’ll find the route; you just need to bring your own flour (6-8kg should be sufficient), and set aside about four hours that morning.  If interested, contact me directly.

 Upcoming Events:

Jingle Bells (Jingle Boobies?) Hash – Saturday, 17 December (reminder – NO HASH on 24 December).  I’m sure our three Hares are going to cause lots of trouble.  Additionally, Hoochy Coochy Man and crew will be providing special refreshments in the circle.

NY Day Recovery Hash and On On Lunch – Sunday, 1 January – to be at the same location as previous years (Quinta do Cortador).  To be at the same price as previous years.  To be confirmed; I’ll try to get this confirmed soonest and get the word out. 

Hash #707 – Saturday, 21 January – Dress up like an airplane or a flight crew member (sexy stewardesses wanted).  Or a cup of coffee, tea, or me.  Cheap prizes to the contest winners – one each for Rambos and Wimps.

Away Hash – Saturday, 4 February (tentative) – Algarve Hash have indicated an initial interest in Hashing with us; awaiting more feedback.

Miscellaneous:

Hash Mugs – have still arrived.  If you attended the On On Dinner, the mugs are free.  If you did not attend the dinner, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #702 was hared by Boomerang, Mile High, and Father Haggis.  Starting point for the Hash was in Janes, near Malveira da Serra.  Rambos were advised of two loops, with a total route of approximately 12km; Wimps were advised of a total route of approximately 7-8km; I think we’re all agreed that the routes were somewhat longer than that.  But, the Rambo route was fantastic.  It was a very long Hash, but some beautiful views, and fun running.  We estimate that the Wimps actually completed about 10-11km, with the Rambos doing at least 14km.  The route was devious and diabolical, confusing several of us.  But then, I’m easily confused so that doesn’t matter.    Mile High had to drink more beer because he had a backpack on in the circle.  So, while he was drinking the extra beer, it was noticed that he failed to remove his backpack, so he had to drink even more beer.  He finally understood the problem, and removed his backpack, but then had his hands in his pockets, so he had to drink yet more beer.

Virgins on this Hash were numerous, to include Marianne from Los Angeles, Stephanie from somewhere else, and Julie Kjellberg, from Denmark.

Retornados were Centerfold, Easy Loser, F2RB, Gala, Lord Egg, and Tobias Schumacher.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Ba Ba Boom! (11); Bo Peep (15); Centerfold (45); Depth Charge (145); Easy Goa (66); Gala (70); Little Peeper (15); Lord Egg (88); Not Tonight (101); Voldemort (55).

There was one No Name:

Andreas Savvas – is not Swedish, is not blonde, plays no musical instruments, is from the Greek side of Cyprus; live in Belem; works in the cruise industry, and likes to drink beer.  Several starting points for names would include:  Bazooki; Zorba; Cruiser.

Namings:

Tania Buschle – is not Swedish, but she does shop at Ikea; she is German from Brazil; she is our co-Beer Meister (well done to her for volunteering for such an important task before receiving a name!); she works with children; does not like spiders but likes beer.  We considered several possibilities:  Caipirinha; Pipi Longstocking (or was it Pipi Longstalking?); Girl From Brazil; Girl From Ipanema; Ipanema; Kiddy Fiddler; and Copacabana; before settling on Capacabuba (or is it Copacabuba?).

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Juka, Immaculate Misconception, Firefarter, Boomerang, and a few others – short-cutting
• Mile High – don’t remember why
• Mile High and Boomerang – hands in pockets

 Upcoming Hares: 

10 December – Hoochy Coochy Man and Voldemort

17 December – Ba Ba Boom!, Breast Stroker, and Easy Loser.  We are in serious trouble.

 Hash Mugs – have still arrived.  If you attended the On On Dinner, the mugs are free.  If you did not attend the dinner, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

Standby for more info about the New Years Day On On Hash and lunch, as well as Away Hash (likely sometime in February).

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #701 was hared by Depth Charge and Maple Stroker.  Starting point for this live hash was Casa Maple in Birre.  Both runners and walkers started off in the same direction.  I cannot tell you any more, as the Hares did a thoroughly good job of confusing me and misleading me.  In fact, I’m still out there somewhere and have not yet made it home. I do remember that the Rambos did go through the wilds of Murches, which made it quite interesting.  Every single time I thought they would have us go left, we went right, and verse vicea.  Runners did two loops, while Wimps just did the one.  Not quite sure how long the Rambo portion was, because, as I say, I still haven’t finished it. 

Virgins on this Hash were numerous.  Only some of them were brought by Ba Ba Boom!  In fact, Johnny English is making a run for the title of Hash Pimp.  Stefan Buschle, Family Schweitzer – Dieuwke, Jonathan, and Maya; Emilia Jastrzeska, Max Bolno, John Vail, Jennie Cottam, Dominic Bertioli, and Laura Profeh.  Apologies if I’ve destroyed your name.  Depth Charge received a misdemeanor for failing to tell one of the Virgins to remove headgear/sunglasses.

Retornados were Blooming Good, La Formiga, Missdirected, Michael Halkon, Sofia Halkon, Conrad Pena da Costa, Stephanie Matteo, and Basil Fawlty.  K2 received a misdemeanor for failing to remind the Retornados to remove headgear/sunglasses.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Bardess (425); Ba Ba Boom! (10); Basil Fawlty (30); Depth Charge (144).

There was one No Name:

Tania Buschle – is not Swedish, is not blonde, plays no musical instruments, does not like spiders, is of Brazilian/German origins, works with children, and likes beer.

Namings:

Klaus Gerstenmeyer – is Austrian; is not Swedish, nor is he Australian; good waltzer but not a good skier; plays CDs; works in the Austrian Embassy; owns guns; has a web page; has no foreign substances on him or in him.  Is now named Pencil Squeezer, for his past-time of artistic pursuits.

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Breast Stroker, Voldemort, and The Baron – short-cutting
• La Formiga – for new shoes
• Bondage – getting wet when it wasn’t raining
• K2 – forgetting Breast Stroker’s name
• Firefarter – for being thirsty
• Ba Ba Boom! – Sleeve of Shame – just because

 Upcoming Hares: 

26 November – Father Haggis and Easy Loser

10 December – Hoochy Coochy Man and Voldemort

17 December – I don’t remember.  NO HASH ON 24 DECEMBER.

 Hash Mugs – have arrived.  If you attended the On On Dinner, the mugs are free.  If you did not attend the dinner, mugs are one euro each.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – disposable cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

Away Hash – Basil Fawlty has suggested the possibility of an Away Hash in the Algarve.  Timing would be from mid-January through the end of February.  Pricing would be 50 euro per room per night, HALF BOARD!  For two people sharing, this obviously works out to 25 euro per person.  Buffet breakfast and buffet dinner.  Overwhelming response was in favor of hiring/renting a bus/coach.  Not sure how much the coach would cost, or if the Hash can subsidize any portion.  But, with the extremely low room rates, I don’t think it’s a problem if Hashers pay full fare for the coach.  I will coordinate with the Mismanagement Committee and get back with you.

K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #700 was hared by Depth Charge, Hoochy Coochy Man, and K2.  Starting point was in Aldeia de Juso.  Both runners and walkers started off in a westerly direction, with runners soon splitting off to head off on their first (and longest) loop south towards Birre.  Walkers kept heading west toward Guincho, and many of them were caught up in a fairly long (200-300 meters) back-track, for which I feel quite bad.  There were, apparently, several walkers who, in spite of back track markings on both sides of the trail, proceeded on in the wrong direction.  They did return to the On In, but not quite sure how.  Runners and walkers rejoined and proceeded through the area of the Roman ruins near Guincho.  Runners and walkers both trudged across the beach at Guincho, before splitting again and heading into the hills.  Coming down from the hills en route to Charneca, we were all treated to a Hash Halt, before coming On In through Charneca and back to the starting point. 

Virgins on this Hash were:  Yara Buschle, of German/Brazilian origin; Ian Gerstenmeyer, of Austrian/Brazilian origin, Limor Schweitter, originally from Israel, who works with robots; Antonio Ferreira, Canadian, who teaches computers, and Alex Potomiamos (sorry – don’t remember his origins).  Apologies if I’ve destroyed your name.

Retornados were Bo Peep, Peepers, Voldemort, Gazelle, No Moor, Thomas Stark, Hoochy Coochy Man, Honky Tonk Woman, and Harry Poppins.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Bardess (424 (again)); Bad Hare Day (171); Father Haggis (95); Graphic Exposure (22); Honky Tonk Woman (66); Hoochy Coochy Man (65); Mile High (65); No Moor (393); Not In Charge (161); Not Tonight (99); Super Trooper (15); This Won’t Hurt (80).  Not in Charge was called back into the circle by her husband for items in her hair.  Again called back into the circle by her husband for not having enough beer.  So, her husband, Depth Charge, was called into the circle to join her.

There was one No Name:

Klaus Gerstenmeyer – is Austrian; is not Swedish, nor is he Australian; good waltzer but not a good skier; plays CDs; works in the Austrian Embassy; owns guns; has a web page; has no foreign substances on him or in him.

Namings:

Thomas Stark – The vast majority of suggested names obviously were related to the 007 theme; some of them were Blofelt, Blofinger, Odd Job, Dr Strange, Dr No.  Eventually we settled on Bondage.

Eric Hesketh – Is English, so somebody immediately suggested Johnny English, and it was unanimous.

Elvira Martins – Is not English, but is a woman, so somebody immediately suggested the name of another Bond character, and she is now named Pussy Galore.

 Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Bondage – smoking in the circle
• Buschle Family, Limor Schweitter, Klaus Gerstenmeyer, Ba Ba Boom! – short-cutting
• RAs, past and present – for good weather following heavy rain
• Bernie – for losing his dog
• Shina Collins – for leaning against a car
• Pussy Galore – don’t remember why
• A special misdemeanor was meted out to Graphic Exposure, for having attended 22 Hashes, and only now wearing a Hash t-shirt, he was made to drink his Down Down while wearing the Sleeve of Shame

 Halloween Costume contest winners – Family Abba

 Upcoming Hares: 

12 November – Maple Stroker and Father Haggis

26 November – Depth Charge and Easy Loser

10 December – K2 and Mismatch

 I have ordered Hash Mugs – to avoid having to purchase and waste hundreds of disposable plastic cups for each Hash.  They will have the LH3 cock and logo imprinted on them.  I have ordered 240 mugs – 120 red, 120 white.  If you paid for the On On Dinner, your mug is free (when they arrive).  Otherwise, the price will be 1 euro.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

There being no volunteers to replace Easy Loser and F2RB as Beer Meisters, we’ve agreed to establish a rota to share the responsibilities.  More info to follow.

Following the Hash, we then proceeded to the On On dinner at Restaurante A Ponte, in Alvide (near Cobre).  Because we had neglected to celebrate Bondage’s terrestrial birthday (on Friday), we celebrated it at the dinner.  Both Bondage and Ba Ba Boom! (because she forgot to remind us of Bondage’s birthday) enjoyed a down-down of aguardente.  Several other aguardente down-downs were imposed, but because the night is a hazy memory, I don’t quite remember the reasons.  The costume contest was narrowed down to Tu Tu Much (Cat Woman), Johnny English (Johnny English), and Ginny Stockdale (Bond Girl).  All three received an aguardente down-down, and much applause for their costumes.  The costume winner was Ginny Stockdale, for her impressive pink hair.  Hash Cash certificates to be presented at the next Hash.  All the Hashers took turns explaining the origins of their Hash names.  Several of the No Names present also gave ideas for their future Hash names, including:  Monica Pearcy – she likes to eat desserts, so Just Desserts is an option; Ginny Stockdale – apparently likes baked beans in wellies, and is a party girl, so Party Girl is an option.  James and Shina Collins weren’t present, so we made things up about them.  Normally I wouldn’t divulge this information but we have plenty of time before their naming, so I think this will help to generate discussion and weird thought processes.  James – Não Faz Mal, but I don’t remember the reasoning behind that; Shina – Fim de Mondo – similarly, I don’t remember the reasoning.

 K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #699, which set off from the area of Estrada da Serra, was hared by Depth Charge and Bjorn Shorn.  We were slightly re-routed, as the start point changed at the last minute.  In spite of that, nobody got terribly lost.  Or if they did, we’ve agreed to never mention that again.  We Rambos went through Janes and down to Zambujeiro before heading east toward Penha Longa, then back north again, and On In to the starting point.  Overall, quite a good Hash, in spite of the Scouts who rubbed out numerous of our trail markings.

Losing their Virginity on this Hash were:  Ulrike Meyer (who also won the Hash Contest for oldest virgin), who is from Germany; Pedro Lopes Silva, who is from Porto and is a banker (to which there were many jeers); Monica Piercy, who is from London; and Lia, who is none of the above..  Apologies if I’ve destroyed your name.

Retornados were Blows On The Go, Not Tonight, Oval, Picanha, Super Trooper, the entire Abba family, and Wanna Bet.

Hashy Birthdays were celebrated for Bardess (424); Baron Von Jockstrap (90); Basil Fawlty (28); Flying Mum (151); Loopy (22); Not In Charge (160); Oval (305); Tatties (85).  Tatties received an extra down down for not paying attention when his name was called.

There was one No Name:

Eric Hesketh – is half Norwegian, wears black socks with shorts, his middle name is James, has no dreadlocks but likes Bob Marley, is from Surrey, is a civil servant/serpent, is a bad influence, fixes phones, hangs around airports, has a Portuguese girlfriend, and works at the British Embassy.

Misdemeanors were adjudicated against the following:

• Depth Charge – using a terrestrial name (he referred to Easy Bitch as Em)
• K2 – handle abuse (confusing ‘Mismatch’ and ‘misdemeanors’)
• Bardess, Mismatch, Oval, Flat Pack, maybe a few others  - short-cutting
• A special misdemeanor was meted out to Ba Ba Boom!, for grievous behavior against Hashing, she was made to drink an extra Down Down while wearing the Sleeve of Shame

 Upcoming Hares: 

29 October – #700 – Depth Charge, Hoochy Coochy Man, and K2 – Three Hares?  That’s right.  It’s going to be just that interesting.

12 November – Maple Stroker and Father Haggis

26 November – Depth Charge and Easy Loser

10 December – K2 and Mismatch

 #700 – 29 October 2011:  If you pay for the On On Dinner, your Hash that day is free.  Theme for the On On Dinner is #007; costumes encouraged.  Dinner is at 20.00 (8 pm) at A Ponte Restaurant, in Alvide.  Cost is 25 euro per person, all inclusive.  We’re up to about 32 people; if we have 40, the restaurant is ours.  Upper limit of 50 people. 

I have ordered Hash Mugs – to avoid having to purchase and waste hundreds of disposable plastic cups for each Hash.  They will have the LH3 cock and logo imprinted on them.  I have ordered 240 mugs – 60 red, 60 white, 60 blue, 60 green.  If you pay for the On On Dinner, your mug is free (but I cannot guarantee they’ll be here by then).  Otherwise, the price will be 1 euro.  Hashers will then need to bring their own mugs to the hash – cups will only be provided for virgins!  All Hashers will be heavily encouraged to buy their own mugs and bring them to each Hash.  If you have a Hash Handle, and are called into the Circle, and are found to be without your mug, things will get messy.

We have received our new Hash water bottles and Hash T-shirts.  T-shirts are 6 euro each; bottles are 5 euro each; purchase one of each for 10 euro.

Hashers are encouraged to bring and reuse their own plastic bottles – can be refilled from larger bottles of water provided by Beer Meisters.

There being no volunteers to replace Easy Loser and F2RB as Beer Meisters, we’ve agreed to establish a rota to share the responsibilities.  More info to follow.

Non-Hash announcements:

• Interested in attending this year’s US Marine Corps Ball?  Saturday, 5 November, at Cascais Miragem; 70 euro per person.  See BOTG or K2 for more information.

 K2

Hash Master and Scribe

Hash #698 began (somewhat belatedly, due to late arrival of several Hashers, who escaped without Down-Downs!) from Figueira do Guincho, Hared by Mismatch and Lord Egg.  We were warned that there were two Rambo loops, bringing the total Rambo route to 10 km.  Or 12 km.  or 14 km.  Or, was it 16 km?  Not sure of the Wimp route, but it was less.  Not to say that it was easy.  The routes took us primarily in an inland direction to a point just below Peninha, at which point I’m sure there were others who suffered from déjà vu, having just hashed portions of this route the previous Hash.  We then went down into Malveira da Serra, and through Arneiro, and back through the scrubby beach cliffs to the starting point.  There were some beautiful views throughout the Hash, particularly when we were heading in a downhill manner.  Suffice it to say that the Rambos came in about 2 hours and 20 minutes after On On.

Virgins were Andreas Sauvas, and Shirley and Norman Hallsall.  As always, apologies for butchered names.

Retornados – sorry I don’t have that information, but they were plentiful, to include Bika and Boomerang.

Birthdays – K2 (60); Breaststroker (15); Party Pants (45); Dangleberry (25); Depth Charge (141); Fast Finnish (10); Flying Mum (150); Graphic Exposure (20); Immaculate Misconception (25); MissDirected (25); Neeps (77).

There were no No Names, but one Naming – that of Julia McAllister.  She is not Swedish but plays the violin.  She is a teacher, but not a Bad Teacher; she teaches chemistry.  She spent some time in Sheffield, and is from Cheltenham, but she’s not a spy.  But then she would say that, wouldn’t she?  If she were a spy, I mean.  Because spies don’t come right out and say “I’m a spy”, now do they?  Because if they did, they wouldn’t be a very good spy, would they?  Anyhow, numerous (in)appropriate names were suggested, to include some or all of the following:  Ass Id; Stainless; Big Bangs; Giggles; Arse In Ide; Laughsalot; Helium.  Some of those names don’t make any sense, do they?  But then if you’d just run/walked 10, 12, 14, 16 km, you wouldn’t be thinking clearly either, now would you?  Anyhow, Julia is now known as Nitrous Oxide.

Misdemeanors (or Misdemeanours, for the Brits/Aussies/Canadians, etc.):  F2RB, Firefarter, Father Haggis, Flying Mum, Easy Goa, Easy Bitch, and No Names Bernardo and Mieke – for shortcutting! 

Boomerang – for not knowing how to read a calendar

Easy Loser – for dancing badly, and not knowing if she’s Austrian or Australian

Not In Charge – for Dirty Dancing, and for wearing head gear in the Circle

Two Virgins/No Names – for arriving at the Hash in a taxi

Dangleberry and Loopy – for PDA

Immaculate Misconception – just because

Depth Charge – for not getting any post-Hash marital relations (it’s his own fault, really)

Announcements:

Remember – #700 – 29 October.  On On Dinner details to follow.  If you pay for the On On Dinner, Hash Cash that day is free.

New T-shirts and water bottles are in.  T-shirts are 6 euro each, water bottles are 5 euro each; buy one of each for 10 euro!

Need volunteers to serve as Beer Meisters.  See me, K2, if you’re interested.  Duties can be shared.

Bring your own water bottles!  Reduce our environmental impact.

K2, Hash Master and Hash Scribe