Standby for further information, but contrary to previous reports, there will be a Hash on Saturday, 26 Dec 09 (AKA Boxing Day in the UK).

All Hashers are reminded to wear Christmas-themed attire for the Jingle Bells Hash on Saturday, 12 December 2009.  All Hashers are further reminded to not grab the Hash Master’s posterior.

Just a heads-up:

Hash 642 will be a fairly dog-friendly route for both walkers and runners.  There are no known loose vicious dogs on the route, but there will be some dogs.  The other day when I was scouting the route, about 7-8 minutes into my walk, two dogs started following me and stayed with me for over 2 hours!

There will be some nice Hash Views, so you’re encouraged to bring your cameras

There will be optional Hash Halts (although Wimps and Rambos will not stop at the same Hash Halt), so if you’re interested, bring a little extra money to buy drinks, etc.

The new LH3 website has now been launched, though there is still some work to be done.

If you are a LH3 hasher, then it is kind of your duty to register with the site, though if you do not have a hash handle yet, you should wait until you get one.

Benefits of registering include:

• The right to comment on articles on the site
• Create posts and comments in the forums
• 5 Euro all you can drink beer at the next hash

If you want to show an image of yourself, you can sign up for a Gravatar, which will be shown next to your comments on this and other sites where you register/comment with the same email address.

Hash 634

REPORT OF HASH 634 ON SATURDAY 27^th JUNE 2009

 After the previous Solstice Hash 633, this Canada Day 634 Hash was hared by Confuzeus and Chili Dog, and Danger Mouse gave out thermo water holders and badges, as all three wanted to thank hashers for their fine time, before returning to Canada soon. We started from the Barons´ home in Torre/Rua das Faias, then past the Jacinto Bar, round the houses near Big Dumper´s old house, before finally going down to the old Plaza de Toros. Then at the seaside blobs became skimpy, and No Moor went off by Casa da Guia.  Lord Egg and Rollmop went after him and found the Rambo trail behind the petrol station and along the Rua Eucaliptos. Most Wimps, such as Bloomingood, came in after 1 hr 30 mins for 6.6km, and Father Haggis reckoned Rambos ran 12 km. Sensible hashers then jumped in the pool.

 Virgins, spiritually welcomed by Chili Dog, were Michael Bullock (a proper religious adviser), John and Diane Eaton, Matilde Luce, Zoe Miles Pearson, Federico Edoardo Ranise, Lue Yang, Jose Salinas, Zoe Gueuder. Retornados were Sophia Fernandes, Charge Ahead, Armpitstop, Penelope Pitstop, Lulita, Eyeful, Barons von Arsen and Jockstrap, Hash Agent, Pen, Bardess and Tasmanian Devil. Birthdays were Baroness von Strapiton (40), Big Dumper (95), ChiliDog (88), HoochieKoochie Man (20), K2 (11), Not tonight (75), Oval (282), Rollmop(10), Sunflower (22), This Wont Hurt (25), Mismatch (101), No Moor (353), HonkyTonk Woman (22). No Names were Gordon Rushinko and Angelica Schultz. Mismatch received his silver 100^th hash mug, and Confuzeus also got a silver mug for his time as HM before the new Mismanagement Committee now takes over. Jaehuen An was named Sum Yung Mun and goes back to Korea.

Misdemeanour downdowns were firstly for Sexy Bottom and Speedy Gonzales who were the only ones to correctly follow the wimps trail.   Charge Ahead was downdowned for smoking in the circle, and having no hash clothing (even bare chested).  Prominent in the circle was Jackpot fully in red, with a pirate hat. No Moor enjoyed showing off his Grecian suntan. It seems 45 hashers signed up but Hash Scribe counted 55 in the circle, including numerous dogs, babies and grandparents hanging on. Our Canadian organisers gave out  presents to previous HM Big Dumper and Beer Mistress Sexy Bottom, and to the Barons for their fine welcome and BBQ. Our new HM Sunflower thanked all who helped in this fine hash.

 Next hash 11 July (Hash Scribe absent).

 OnOn

Lord Egg

Hash #633

The Summer Solstice Hash – Saturday 13 June 2009

 Executive Summary

Thirty-seven hashers partook in the 2009 Summer Solstice Hash.  The hares for this celebratory hash were Chili Dog, Father Haggis, and Mismatch.   The hares laid a faultless trail which normally  would have taken about 1.5 hours to circumnavigate – had anyone actually found it.  Jose Miguel Sequeira was christened Basil Fawlty and true virgin Rob Hendricksen – Icepyck’s guest – was recognized.  Birthday’s celebrated included Dangleberry 11, Danger Mouse 90, Easy Goa 33, Flying Mum 111, K2 10 and Mismatch 100.  The next hash on 27 June will celebrate Canada Day and will be staged by Chili Dog, Danger Mouse and Confuzeus.  The Baron clan has most graciously offered to host the event at Villa von Strap-it-On.

The Details

                On a t-shirt perfect dawn, about 37 members of the LH3 group gathered in front of the Cascais Cidadela promptly at 5:50 a.m.  Flying Mum was threatening, screaming at and cajoling group members to pay the hash fee – at least that is how I recall it.  The hares, Chili Dog, Father Haggis, and Mismatch could be seen conspiring over a map near the Cidadela.  Mismatch demonstrated a new way of marking flower blobs with a tennis ball – it proved very successful.  At about precisely (oxymoron) 6:00 a.m. the steely-eyed Chili Dog, the intrepid Father Haggis, and the grim and determined Mismatch set off to mark the live hash.

                Being polite, I started out at the back of the wimp pack and recall seeing Oval striding out in front of me.  It would be the last I would ever see him, or the rest of the wimps.  It was like entering the Bermuda Triangle.

Digression

                The concept of an individual hash is not unique.  First to come up with this unusual concept was Lord Egg, who demonstrated the process admirably in July of last year.  However, on this hash, as each LH3 member did their own personal hash, no two people having done the same route, it makes it difficult to write a comprehensive report.  I can only relate my own personal experience.

 Back to the Details

                Confuzeus, Dangleberry, Hot Lips, Not-in-Charge, Tom Sheehy, and myself set off at a brisk pace in an effort to catch the wimp pack.  Dangles and Hot Lips ran out in front of us looking for the elusive path.  We caught up with Dangles and HL after about 150 meters as the trail became confused.  We did a loop around a bunch of buildings and then found several sporadic, faint, tennis ball marked flour blobs, scattered around in a non-sequential manner – we were hopelessly lost. After one hour of searching and false trails, Sheehy (DNF) gave up and went home.  Hot Lips and Dangleberry went for a run.

 Our Circuitous Route

               Doggedly, not wanting to give up, Confuzeus and Not-in-Charge, remembering last year’s solstice hash, intuitively thought that we should head toward the market.  On the corner above Espirito Santo Bank, we spotted a flour blob and proceeded to follow a well marked trail.  However, after about 400 meters we found 3 blobs of flour and further up 2 more blobs.  After we worked out – after some discussion – that 2 doesn’t follow 3, we deduced that we were doing the course backwards.  We proceeded back down the hill towards the market.  As an hour and ten minutes had already passed and we had walked 5 kilometers in circles (Confuzeus’ GPS), we began to worry that the pack had already passed that point and might already be back at the Cidadela.  As Confuzeus and myself had the refreshments in our cars, we were afraid that everyone was at the finish point sans bubbly wine and OJ (the juice, not the killer).  Our concern ran so deep that we stopped at a café shop for a meia de leite.  We anxiously peered out the windows for some sign of the wimps, or rambos, but saw no one.   After finishing our café, we walked back toward the Cidadela, where we could see four anxious individuals at the top of the path anxiously peering outward and downward for signs of life.  It was the three hares and Rollmop, who had become disoriented and astutely returned to the Cidadela.

                The LH3ers began to arrive back in small groups and individually.  After some 30 minutes and numerous text messages, everyone was back together.  It turned out that no one found the correct route and had just rambled aimlessly about Cascais.  Of note, No Moor was the first of the Rambos to return.

                Bad Hare Day became the self appointed faux champagne bottle opener; he was the only one with the hand strength to open the bottles – won’t go there.  We enjoyed the pretend champagne with orange juice and some strange orange juice/carrot juice/glucose beverage.  Thanks Honky Tonk and Hoochie Coochie for buying the simulated champagne and snacks.

 The Circle

                The Hash Circle was presided over by HM Confuzeus and RA Chili Dog.   Miguel Sequeira was christened Basil Fawlty and true virgin Rob Hendricksen – who apparently fell for Icepyck’s invitation – was recognized.  Birthdays´ celebrated included Dangleberry 11, Danger Mouse 90, Easy Goa 33, Flying Mum 111, K2 10 and Mismatch 100.  A pewter mug has been ordered for Mismatch, but it has been appropriately “lost” in the mail (post).  Confuzeus extends his apologies for not recognizing the retornados as we were running short on time to make it to O’Luains.  The retornados included Centerfold, Bad Hare Day, Easy Goa, and Tutu Much.

                On a sad note, my office mate Saw Willy and his spouse Free Willy will be moving to Cairo next year.   They received a down down for their last hash.        

The Restaurant

                After the hash, thirty-four LH3ers walked down the hill to O’Luains.  A small, unfamiliar pub in the center of Cascais.  Ivor and Karen, the proprietors, served us an excellent breakfast buffet of scrambled eggs, fried eggs, sausage, real bacon (not the streaky stuff) toast, beans, fried tomatoes, fried mushrooms, black pudding, café and juice.  It was a wonderful time.  I won’t have to eat any snacks before lunch.

 The Aftermath

                This will be one of those infamous hashes we all shall talk about.  One (experienced??) hare stated that his objective was to confuse the hashers in the beginning, for which he overachieved.  Although the route was quite simple and straightforward for a hare like myself, the average hasher is not too bright and needs orientation.  It is disappointing, and almost incomprehensible, to think that a group of 33, 34 at the beginning, individuals is unable to follow a trail of closely spaced flour blobs.  We hares have to keep in mind that there are only three flour blobs to mark a definitive trail for a reason; most hashers cannot count beyond three.   I purposefully hung back and didn’t point out the obvious and correct trail just to see what would happen.

                At the beginning of a hash it is very important that flour blobs be placed only very faintly and with large spaces between them as not to run out of flour midway through marking the trail.  It’s wasteful to use more than one kilo of flour marking a hash.

                Actually the day reflected on the poor quality of our educational system.  Hashers are unable to analyze and evaluate information that is presented to them in the form of flour blobs and to come up with a solution.  No, they want it presented to them in a neat little package with flour blobs exactly 10 meters apart.   And then to have the nerve to actually state that maybe the trail was somewhat confusing. 

Next Hash

The next hash, The Canada Day Hash, will be staged by Chili Dog, Danger Mouse and Confuzeus at Villa von Strap- it-On.  To the neophytes, that would be the home of the Baron clan.   Details will follow, but plan on bringing a dish for a cookout, and to participate in the activities.

 On On

Sunflower, FSP

Hash 632

REPORT OF HASH 632 ON SATURDAY 30th MAY 2009

 This Red Dress Hash followed Hash 631 which included the big BBQ at Abano on 16 May. Hash 632 was held in over 30 C temps so we all sweated, particularly those elegantly wigged (and/or pantied).

 Fifty seven hashers took the trail set by Oval and Jackpot, starting from the house of Danger Mouse/Chili Dog in Birre. The trail led up to the Stonehenge/Guincho road and Rambos continued across, and beyond, and round by the clifftop at Guia. Wimps turned back to go between Quinta da Marinha and Quinta da Bicuda. There was a Hash Halt at the Jacinto Bar.  Wimps covered 6.27km in 1hr 15 mins and Rambos came in half an hour later having been up many backtracks.

 Hashers and HM Confuzeus judged Sunflower to have the best dress, and he was given a golden purse with an excitement inside. The Red Dress Hash traditionally gives something to charity, so  €300 is to be given to the CasaSol house in Lisbon which looks after children with HIVAids.

 Religious Adviser ChiliDog welcomed virgins Bethany and Benjamin Carlson, David and Sebastian Oliver, Maureen and Cassandra Tonan, Frank, Leslie Seelye, Sara Colly, Gengsha, Mark page and April the dog. Birthdays were for Confuzeus 44, Depth Charge 105, Free Willy 11, Flying Mum 110, Gazelle 45, Lord Egg 50, Meatball 15, Oval 280, Sunflower 20, Tatties 50.  No Names who introduced themselves were Jose Miguel Cequeira, William and David Higginbottom, Denis Pace.Downdown Misdemeanours were for Jackie Chan (cellphone abuse) and Meatballs (not dressing properly) plus the hares for confusion.   Piers Bedford was named as Miss Directed after his adventure at Hash 631.

 AGPU then followed.  Jackpot and Sunflower offered themselves for election as the next HM, and Jackpot said he wanted to return the hash to its traditional roots. However Sunflower was elected on a handsinair vote. Other elections were…Dangleberries – Religious Adviser, This Wont Hurt –  HashFlash, Partypants –  Hash Haberdashery with assistant Not in Charge, Shallow Charge said he would help Hash Pourer Bloomingood, and Jackpot said he had a Cousin Rupert who would assist Hash Scribe Lord Egg (who is about to give up). The Immaculate Misconception became Hash Geek .  Jackpot accepted to be Awayhash coordinator. Vesuvia would assist Flying Mum as Hashcash.

 ChiliDog and Danger Mouse then organised a very good BBQ and thanks to them and all for their contribution to the days proceedings.

 Next hash at Cidadela Cascais at 0550hours on Sat  13 June followed by breakfast at O´Luains.

OnOn,

Lord Egg

Hash #631 – May 16, 2009

 With the absence of Lord Egg, Confuzeus has once again taken it upon himself to produce some semblance of a hash report.

 This hash coincided with the Terry Fox Run in Lisbon, and because, in the past LH3 has participated in the Terry Fox Run, the Mismanagement Committee will be donating €100 to the Terry Fox Foundation.

 On a fine day, with virtually no wind, a record 82 hashers gathered at the Forte do Guincho near Praia do Abano.  In his book, A Lonely Aussie Boy Explores Portugal, Boomerang explains that the Guincho Fort was built with two others, Cresmina and Galé, to improve coastal defences after the “Seven Years War” which lasted from 1756 to, get this, 1763.

 The Hares were Honkey Tonk Woman, Hoochie Coochie Man and Voldemort.

This is the wimps route: just over 6km long.

 All of the Rambos took a wrong turn by turning left instead of right towards the hamlet of Arneiro which resulted in many lost and confused runners.  A few Rambos managed to find an improvised route which took them at least an extra hour to get back to the Forte do Guincho.

 The much delayed circle took place in the shadows of the ruined fort while a few hashers prepared the ‘meat’ for the ensuing On-On.

 Virgins: Noora and Elemer Briceño, Clementine Tresse, Charlotte Ridgway, Melani Hansen, Susan Nutt, Holly Henderson

 Retornados: Flying Dane, Lula, Also Ran, Monteiro Family, Big Dumper, Crunchy, Chili Dog, Danger Mouse, Free Willy, Hot Lips, Nikki Duarte, Christine Figueiredo, João Luce

 Hash Birthdays: Bardess – 365, Blooming Good – 101, Chili Dog – 85, Danger Mouse – 85, Dangleberry – 10, Free Willy – 10, Hash Agent – 60, Mismatch – 99, Ready Steady Stop – 40, Saw Willy – 11, Smorgasbroad – 15, Speedt Gonzales – 85, This Won’t Hurt – 22, Well Preserved – 15, Honkey Tonk Woman – 20

 No Name: Piers Bedford

 Naming: Nikki Duarte was named Welsh Rarebok to pay tribute to her Welsh and South African heritage/background.

Christine Figueiredo escaped before the circle could assign an appropriate name.

 The On-On: The Hares, Honkey Tonk Woman, Hoochie Coochie Man and Voldemort, also organized a very extensive bar-b-que with a wide variety of ‘meat’ offerings. Hashers contributed many delicious salads and desserts.  Oval led the assembled group with a rousing, outdoor edition of Father Abraham.

 Overall, a wonderful hash with a record turnout, challenging trails, excellent food, stimulating friends, sustaining beverages, great weather and a relaxing sunset on the cliffs overlooking the ocean – hard to beat.

 Thanks and appreciation are extended to all of those who worked so hard and/or contributed to making Hash #631 such a memorable event.

 Confuzeus (E&OE)

Hash 630

REPORT OF HASH 630 ON SATURDAY 2 MAY 2009

 Our permanently interim HM, Confuzeus, told us to go to Capuchos where the once aspiring general Dangleberries took Virgins apart and told them the objective of the hash was to enjoy nature – then he was corrected by Mismatch (also, it seems, once a soldier) who said it was to down beer.

 Sixty seven hashers took the trail set by Hares Sunflower (maturing as our regular Hare), Dangleberries and Berrynice. There were three Rambo loops. We set off along the eastward track from the convento entrance and went down hill (Gigueiros direction) before moving eastwards and up to the painted cement water tank, then down to the heart of the Tapada de Monserrate (perhaps private?), and an attractive small lake, and up (past Monte Rodel on left) to the obras site near the track towards Quinta das Sequoias, then through woods parellel to the Capuchos/Sintra road, first on the north side, and at the ruin crossing the road to the south side.  We arrived back at the circle after about 1.5 hours but Bloomingood was not with us to give exact time or distance. The sky was cloudless and the temperature hash friendly. Snoopy appeared in an impressively large hat, and Smorgasbroad actually wore a LH3 shirt. Low Profile got the hills she didn´t want.

 HTW cut up apples to improve the diet of hashers, used to just crisps and peanuts. Mismatch and Lord Egg were the pourers.   Sexy Bottom(101) and Boomerang(202) were the Run Birthdays. Jackpot, as Acting Religious Adviser initiated the many Virgins. Lars Malm said he “just lived” so was named Rollmop. Young Sophie Bexell –friend of RSS- was named Pipi. Business Wizzkid Tony Hoyou became JackieChan, and Donna Rumbold was named as PartyPants. There was some debate about Misdemeanours like the new shoes of Oval – who charged false accusation – or the waste of beer according to the Immaculate Misconception. This Wont Hurt took photos preparing to be the next Hash Flash. Consul Crathorne had to arbitrate the gang warfare developing between minichildren outside the Circle, and yacking continued amongst teenagers within the Circle, so musical refraining was not harmonious.  The final Downdown for this fine hash was for Boomerang who returns to the World of Oz before Retornadoing in August.

 Virgins; Fette Fyn, Simon Featherstone, Rebecca Rogers, Hector/Mira/Sandra/Gigi Tavera, Mark/Martin Crathorne, Beatrice Secca, Bragige Roy, Gordon Rushinko, Ansers Dyeh.

Retornados; Luna/Arabella Hoyou, Katryn Dones, Susan Kruse, Angelica Schutz, Low Profile, Snoopy, Johan Bilton, João Vilisa, CutandDry, Handjob, Jackpot, Meatball, DaehyunAn, Piers Bedfoprd, Sofia Bexell, Sam Filtrell.

 Next hash 16 May, probably with free nosh (but your Hash Scribe will be elsewhere)

 OnOn,

Lord Egg

Hash #629 – April 18, 2009

 This report has been written by Confuzeus because no other literate hasher volunteered.  So, with apologies to Lord Egg, on, on.

 The hash took place on a day that could have easily been January 18 rather than April 18 with cold temperatures, strong winds, and increasing rain intensity as the afternoon wore on.  In spite of the inclement conditions 38 hashers persevered and almost all (what happened to Smorgasbroad?) lasted until the end of the circle.

 As has been widely reported in the international press, in the absence of the RA, Pisser took it upon himself to bless the pre-hash water by, well, pissing on it.  Word quickly spread through the group that, “If you want water, take it from the right”.

 The Hares were Bardess and Boomerang.  The following paragraph has been provided by Boomerang who claims it is written in a rather dry style.  Read carefully and you might discover the kernels of an emerging comedic writer.

 The Hash started from the hill of the Janes water reservoir, under a cloudy but dry sky, with the route descending southwards into the valley of  Ribeira de Alcorvim.  Soon after the start, the Rambos split off and made a big loop through the village of Zambujeiro before rejoining the Walkers who had made their (very slow) way through the brambles and shrubs filling the  valley.  The combined route then led west to the edge of Alcorvim de Baixo and then turned northwards towards Malveira da Serra.  Gradually, the rain started and settled into a steady drizzle.  The Rambos and the front Walkers turned west again to climb (and descend) a few hills before crossing the main road into Malveira and traversing the village streets to return to the starting point.  However, the majority of the (very wet) Walkers wimped out and shortcutted back to the cars, probably just as well because this meant that there was no great delay in starting the Circle.

 Because of the inclement weather the HM declared that the circle would be ‘self-serve’ and that wearing of headgear of any description would be permitted.

 Retornados: Rarely Cums and Thousand Islands

 Hash Birthdays: Bardess – 363, Neeps – 40, Not Tonight – 70, Saw Willy – 10, Tasmanian

Devil – 20, This Won’t Hurt – 20, Tutu Much – 35, Wanna Bet – 205, and, of course, Pisser – 15

 Special Hash Birthdays: Sexy Bottom and Blooming Good received pewter tankards for having participated in 100 hashes and No Moor was feted for having survived 350 hashes.

 Namings:  Two of Dangleberries spawn were supposed to have received their hash names at the previous hash but this was not completed due to the hash running late.  With a serious conflict of interest, Dangleberries protested every suggestion of rude or lewd names for his progeny.  Daughter Sophie, who, according to witnesses is a charming young lady, received the name Berrynice.  Son Lawrence, to mark the family’s penchant for wearing gumboots (rubber boots for the Yanks) to the hash, was named Wellyberry.

 There were some misdemeanours but the HM, feigning early onset Alzheimer’s, mis-identified some miscreants.  Neeps, using a MP3 player, and Pisser, pissing, did receive down-downs.  

 Confuzeus   (E&OE)